The Story of Her
Hello My Dear Beloved, are you well?
Let me tell you about my oldest sister Ursula. Ursula was many many things such as: headstrong, sassy, beautiful, hard-working, kind and respectful. Ursula was 8 yrs older than me.
When our Mother became ill with terminal cancer, she had only one dying wish: That her two eldest children, Ursula and my eldest brother, Nonito to be married before she died.
Ursula and Nonito were very respectable to our old-fashioned cultural traditions and to our Mother’s dying wish. They both duly went back to our Mother Land, Sicily. Very quickly our Uncle Carlo located some respectable families with matching eligible young adults (though you will soon see that respectable is a debateable word!). The requisite introductions were made and under enormous pressure from the family and a dying parent, Ursula and Nonito married the very first people they met.
My Beloved, Ursula was only 18 and Nonito was 20 years old; they were merely children thrown into adulthood. Our Mother sadly died but whereas Nonito’s wife was immediately granted citizenship to come to New York, Ursula’s husband Chiquito couldn’t. Thankfully, Chiquito’s denial proved to be a Blessing in Disguise, My Beloved, so let’s continue!
Ursula was determined to make a life and went back to Sicily to visit Chiquito. She soon realised he was the typical traditional male: Wanted to have a good time with his male friends, chase the girls, get drunk, gamble and many many other vices. My Beloved, Chiquito was the typical short-sighted misogynist that blights us males. Chiquito didn’t love Ursula. As far as he was concerned she was not only his trophy but also his ticket to escape his creditors and other enemies; get away from Sicily to the gold-leadened pavements of New York.
Oh My Beloved, Ursula was heartbroken and even though Chiquito had had his sordid ways with her (events which leaves me on a deadly edge even to this day!) she decided to bravely initiate a divorce. This was unheard of in our community! Sadly, the antiquated cultural taboos forbade girls who weren’t virgins to remarry let alone divorce. Ursula was the first girl in both Sicily and our turf of Little Italy to break taboos. Had she been a widow she would have been free to do whatever she liked.
Ursula came home in despair however she had a very close highschool friend. His name was Turlock and he was of the Sikh community. Although I was only 10 years old, I still recall his fine blood-red turban, the trimmed beard and twinkling eyes.
I understand my big sister Ursula and Turlock were deeply in love but due to cultural differences on both sides they knew for themselves that they couldn’t marry. My liberal minded Father would have been perfectly fine but my pig-headed Uncle, my hypocritical cousins and gossip-mongering community would try to ridicule us - obviously, they can all just simply Fuck Off!
Finally, My Beloved, after 3–4 yrs of intense negotiations the divorce with Chiquito was done: He had to be bribed by a sizable sum, to initiate the divorce. We were all relieved for our sister, Ursula. I should add that subsequently in later years, many other girls in our community had discreetly approached Ursula for help and advice on divorce and about her experience. Ursula nothing else but always inspiring.
I am sorry to say, My Beloved, that though Ursula and Turlock must have loved each other, she broke-up with him to go back to Sicily and remarry, as that was the respectable thing to do.
My uncle and cousins did their very best to smear her with lies, such as: she had had an abortion (the Unwanted Spawn of Chiquito) and was unable to bear children — all absolute unequivocal lies. The real hidden reason was that my Uncle wanted his own daughters to be married and ensnare the eligible bachelors.
Even though Ursula was far more beautiful than our cousin sisters, she was turned down at every family. However, one decent fellow Juliano was smitten. Ursula agreed to marry Juliano immediately even though she didn’t love him, she felt that was culturally the right thing to do. My Beloved, we were all delighted.
However, the US Govt failed to recognise the prior divorce; Yes, even they were surprised that a traditional Italian girl could remarry! Throughout this time Ursula stayed in touch with Turlock, but only as friends. After the legal wrangles were eventually resolved Juliano was finally awarded the right to come to the US and take his place beside Ursula.
My Beloved, I want to be clear here. Juliano is a great guy and he was devoted to Ursula. But My Beloved you could always see the dreamy look in Ursula’s eyes, her mind (I can only guess) must have been somewhere else, perhaps on someone else?
Having been blessed with two fantastic boys Marco and Calvino, Ursula became unwell. My Beloved, why is it that what God gives He takes something else away? I will shorten this part as the pain still hurts me to this day. But suffice to say she developed aggressive pancreatic cancer in early 2006. I think the year is correct as I wanted to erase that year from my life. Out of the three of us Ursula’s favourite brother was always my middle brother Kane, he’s only 1 yr younger than her and she was his favourite sister. The Story of Kane is a volume in itself, but not for today, My Beloved.
As Lady Luck would have it, when Ursula fell ill I was the only brother close by so she relied on me to take her to the Oncologists with Juliano, as he didn’t speak English too well. In addition, I think she wanted me to support Juliano as we were all quite a close knit family. The devastating chemotherapy reduced her physique and waylaid her once beautiful hair but certainly not her spirit! Ursula continued to love life and refused to give up. Thanks to Randomness and it’s beautiful child, Serendipity, in those last few months Ursula and I became very close.
For one day, My Beloved, when I was sat with her and Juliano was out to work, Ursula told me the whole story above. My Beloved, I have tears right now — I’m sorry for my emotions. Even though she was so very proud of her boys, she told me that she had loved Juliano as a husband & provider, that he should remarry after her death and I was to respect his future wife because Ursula wanted her boys: Marco and Calvino to grow-up with a Mother’s Love.
Typical Ursula! Sacrificing herself for others! When I asked her about Turlock she cried and said absolutely nothing. The only thing she would say was that there was only: One man in my Life. I asked if she meant Juliano or Turlock but she would not answer. Can you believe that, My Beloved? Despite her terminal cancer she would not give me, her baby brother, an answer! What a strength of character Ursula was.
My Beloved, I don’t know why she chose to tell me her story. As explained, Kane was her favourite brother but I am grateful that she did. I think her story is a Gift, something I treasure and will take with me till I die. Thank you, Ursula.
After her sad death, Juliano was unconsolable. After a year, he went back to Sicily and remarried, to Nanna. Despite her personal life, hard-working Ursula had rapidly risen through the ranks to become a highly paid senior executive at AT&T Inc. Furthermore, she had invested carefully such that after her sad death Juliano is so financially stable that he doesn’t need to work and retired years ago. And before you wonder, My Beloved, I do not hold anything against Juliano.
Juliano is a fantastic person and so is Nanna. She treats me as a younger brother and Marco & Calvino as her own children. I am proud to say they call her Mom. Nanna is doing exactly what Ursula would have done — loving the children, though they are now both handsome young men.
My Beloved, you must be wondering about Turlock? I have no idea what became of him. But he stayed with her through high school, the anguish of Chiquito, the break-up when she remarried Juliano, a close supportive friend as she fought the legal battles and waited for Juliano and then…..he sacrificed his needs, stood aside and left her alone so that she could continue with the life she always felt she wanted, despite the feelings they probably had for each other.
I can only imagine the love Turlock must have had for her would have been Planet-Shattering. I do not know if he has found happiness or after all these years he even knows that Ursula no longer walks on this Earth.
If Ursula had ignored her deep sense of cultural pride and given into Love, I wonder what sort of life she and Turlock would have had? Would they have found happiness of the type that comes but once in a lifetime? Would I be referring to him as My Bro?
All I know, is that I would like to meet Turlock and shake him by his hand.
What a fantastic Perfect Gentleman!
Peace.
